Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

Parenting and Working and Writing and Anxiety and …

So.  I like to write.  I WANT to write.  

I also work full-time, have two kids (12 and 9), and and STILL battling depression and anxiety demons.

Self tends to come last, if I do anything for self, at all.  I tend to collapse in a chair after the kids go to bed, read for a while, then pass out.  My fanfiction writing has come to a screeching almost-halt. I hate that.  

I feel like I am failing in everything that makes me, ME.

I want to write a book.  I know I have one in me.

But what’s the best way to make it happen, while swinging swords at anxiety, depression, and helping my children deal with life’s surprises, and trying to be a somewhat acceptable spouse?

 

Summer Camp Anxiety Has Lessened

Whew.

My worries did not come to pass. Robbie’s had a good week, Monday notwithstanding. 

Except, he did hit his head on the side door mirror of a school bus on the way to the camp check-in, despite my warning him to watch out(!), and he was mad at me for not warning him soon enough.  THAT’S typical Mother’s Guilt, though, and I refuse to let it sink into my bones.

Isn’t it?

 

Calmer

I’m a bit calmer this morning than I was when I posted yesterday.  Sleep DOES help.  I still feel huge amounts of anxiety hovering just around the corner of my mind’s eye.  I am doing my best to ignore them.

Today, I will focus on accomplishing just a couple of things, minor things. that have niggled at me for a while now, and getting those done should help me generate some “I can do this!” feelings.

TRAPPED

I feel trapped, both inside my body and inside my home.   My body is huge and disgusting.  I have no “place for my stuff.”

I CAN’T STAND IT!

Worrying and Wisdom and Writing, Oh My

So, my anxiety levels have been through the roof today.  My moods are swinging all over the place.  As I get older, PMS gets weirder.  DMS?  (During?)  Whatev.  It is mentally exhausting and definitely anxiety-causing.  I have anxiety about my anxiety.  😦

I need to be wise about this.  A friend told me I need to embrace my anxiety, accept that it is part of me, and that will help me own it, instead of being controlled by it.  I think that’s a good idea, but I’m not very wise though, and DOING that is something I have yet to even attempt.  Being smart is different from being wise.  Being smart means having the knowledge that smoking is bad for your health.  Being wise means actually quitting smoking.

Did some writing on my “Bermione” fanfiction tonight.  I don’t get very far at each session, but at least I do some each time.  I seem to have a huge hang-up on this and I am really not sure why.  Well, maybe it COULD be because I am expecting myself to be perfect and flawless and I’m psyching myself out.  Argh.  That’s the biggest problem I have in 98.6% of my life struggles!